Mothers Day - used to dread this day

Maybe you wonder why I dreaded this day? It's pretty simple. This day is putting the focus on "motherhood" and till we adopted it was the one thing which was just unattainable for me! Something so "normal" and yet so far away from me. 
Infertility makes you sensitive about many "normal" things everybody else does, like putting up pics from your kids in the office! I used to get around this by putting up pics from my nephews and nieces. At least than nobody would ask why we still did not have children and if having no children was a choice of us. Yikes. Non of your business I wanted to say.
In church the question was a little different...... More like an accusation: " Why are you not reproducing? Women are blessed through their off spring, right? Is your career so important to you?" Well, yes, well no......
( That theological debate I will not tackle at this point!)
So many of my friends in church thought I was a career women, which I am not. I had a career because I did not have any children. Did anybody really expect me to sit at home alone in the house while my brain goes mush???? 
I was very active always in church, at work, yes.... but I did have that room for doing so much, since I had no children.
Anyway. 
Infertility did not only robe me of my chosen career, teacher and educator (could not handle see kids being treated badly and hand around them all day while I was not able to even get pregnant) but it also isolated me from my friends in my age group. Chris and I ended up with having friends who were either single, much younger, or older and had their kids out of the home. Families with children somehow made a big circle around us since they thought we would not understand them or while they were afraid we would be hurt by having kids around. 
And than came mothers day. In church I would volunteer for Nursery on that day on purpose so I did not have to deal with the fact, that all the women would stand except me, or all got roses, except me and so on.... you get the idea. 

There was one memorable day where the kids brought flowers around to all Moms, and one of them decided that as a Teacher I was a Mom and gave me also a flower. That was so sweet and I will never forget this young man and always have prayed for him! Somehow he felt my pain..... I could see it in his eyes! :-)


So here is a shout out to all the women who long to be Mothers and for one or the other reason are not officially called Mother but they are nurturing to the people around them. Lets face it, I was a mother long before Anna came into my life. Being a mother has nothing to do with the biological capability of giving birth but being a mother is a heart issue and that we all have! All women are made to be about the heart! Thanks Pastor Randy for reminding us in MAC that we were made to be about the heart!!!!!!!!!